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//31.12.2002 12:05:31 AM
Rejoicing in the joy of the Lord
This site is slowly becoming a christian website... Not on purpose but sometimes God... My God is so wonderful and he does so many wonderful things in many many subtle ways that it is amazing! Praise be to God...
I just came back from a gospel outreach called the 'Full Gospel Business Men's Fellowship International'. They called themselves the happy men... I went there full of scepticisms and felt that since I'm already a believer of God I'll just go there for the food! 
After the dinner they started the testimonsies (as usual) but something very wonderful happened... All the FGBMFI members (all doctors, lawyers, COEs, Managers etc...) Start dancing and singing with great joy! They gave new meaning to 'rejoicing in the Lord'.
Anyway as they sang and ask people to come forward to be saved (there actually a lot! even my uncle went out... Praise be to God!), I felt a burden to do something about my this stagnent life. I felt this need to pray for leverage and forgiveness and start as a revived christian. I felt that the things and miracles and the revelations that happened to me for the past 2-3 weeks didn't happen for no reason. I need rededication in my life and a new hope for a luke warm heart... I need your prayers... But above all I thank God for touching me and always reminding my that amidst all the wilderness I am in all the time, He is always there watching and trying to pull me back.
I know that this is not it... My life is a constant battlefield for sin and rightousness but I know this tonight... I can indeed have the Joy, Love, Peace and Health that these peoplt talked about tonight that God can give and I know he is always merciful and just to forgive me no matter how small I feel I am.
Like me in the Wilderness
For those of you like me, who constantly feel they are in the wilderness, don't lose heart! God did not call this a race for nothing. 'Cos a race in never easy... It takes stamina and physique... He is the constant supply of the adrenaline...
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//29.12.2002 11:49:44 PM
'One Mountain Got One Mountain Higher'
Just came back from Kat's friend Lisa's house for her old friend's gathering. We had dinner and played a cool game called 'Scategories'. It's a game of words and quick thinking but mainly tests us on skills in the english vocablary and the general knowledge. As I played tonight I came to realize something. I felt quite 'small' amongst them in this arena... I dunno maybe so does Kat. We were still joking about how her dad says she can be a lawyer and how my mum says how I can be an english teacher because of our quick wit and good english. I guess I finally felt that REALLY... 'one mountain got one mountain higher'...
As I sat there and hear the things they talk about I really feel that maybe there is a gap somewhere... To them its all about marriage, work, daily stuff, etc... For Kat and I (or only me) its MW, games, DVDs mainly fun stuff... Not really those 'adult' stuff that they talk about... But then again I think about it I feel that I wouldn't want to 'grow up' so to speak to there 'level' (so to speak). I feel that I am happy the way I am. Some may not like my desires and the things I sought after... Some may not even share in my ideals but I guess that's me... and being an anti-conformist, I wouldn't want to be like 'them'... I guess I'll always be the in-between... the 'arty-farty' wannabe...
*Sign* as for the continuation of the junior camp story... I'll have to write another time... Kinda busy... Stay tuned fellow blog fans
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//27.12.2002 12:00:01 AM
ok ok so I kinda 'stole' xh's snowflake code thought it was cute mah...
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//26.12.2002 11:36:56 PM
Ok christmas came and christmas has gone and I haven't wished you all a Merry Christmas. I just came back from Kat's house... I went there in the afternoon and helped her paint her house! What a tiring day...
Managed to find out that her bro XH blogs too! It was then that I reallized that blogging is in fact very popular... I say his long list of blogging friends and realized that it was so popular. I also realized that I'm getting sick of my current site design and I fell that I should change it soon. I'll start the designs soon liao. *sigh* its been only 2 months and I need to change the layout liao...
Ok as for my continual story... Day 2
I wrote a lot of things actually but I guess I'll just cut the story short... The second day was the day where we played water bombs and had a bit of a misunderstanding with the camp's caretaker. He didn't allow us to play water games and said it was 'part of the contract 'that disallows it. But anyway I besides that we had some problems of our own... The water bomb game wasn't as programmers like to call it, 'bulletproof' that means the rules wasn't clear enough and there were some flaws in the game that lead to 'mid game evolution'. This sparked some sort of a conflict in terms of the 'bulletproofness' of future games to be played in the camp.
I personally felt that in a camp such as junior camp, the games should be planned with safety as top priority and then fun and all the other elements then comes in to fill the blanks. Not to think of how fun or funny it would be then start filling in how to make it safe and easy... This started a whole string of 'discussion' later in the night as to what games to play the next day.
I guess in all things God has a lesson for us. The message on that day was the spirit of service. That means to serve God and others lovingly and without complaint just like Jesus did when he washed his disciples feet and Judas's feet knowing that he will betray Him in the end (John13:1-17).
Lesson for the day.
Even in the small matter of serving in the camp as games coordinators we should take our job serving seriously and plan it seriously as all the campers ar God's children and not to be taken likely.We must learn the spirit of service which comes with humility and the acceptance of our error.
'To err is human - Sienfield'
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//24.12.2002 1:13:02 AM
Okay... Due to my own laziness I shall make it easy on myself and split the stuff I scribbled on the camp booklet into 5 days/parts so that I can finish it. That's my first rule in doing any difficult projects... break-it-down...
Day 1
First day of camp. As I said I initially felt like a comando infiltrating an 'enemy's' territory... I said a little prayer for myself mostly... That I won't start judging and keep an open mind about things.
Before things really picked up... I found out that Kat was actually very angry with me ever since the night before Monday... Why? 'cos I neglected to accompany her out when she left my place and never called when she reached home... She asked 'what if something happened to me?' Well, she is right, and I was wrong. Sometimes I really need to kick myself for the things I do or like to do... Like the expensive hobbies I have... the obsessive things I like to do (PC games, MW, etc...)
Ok back to the camp... When I first got there the people there were like I first experienced when I went on a recce the past 2 Sundays in Wilkie... Singaporeans like to call it 'dao' or unfriendly. They treat you like a stranger even though I have known most of them for at least years... Then I kept telling myself maybe they haven't seen me for almost 2 years since I left the church they are just 'shy'... You know... maybe they feel as apprehensive as I do. So I gave it a shot... I start 'socializing'
The after camp conclusion of that? We are fine... Guess being away for so long... Need a bit of ice breaking.
Ok here comes the important... Lesson for the day.
Learnt that we are all like precious stones like that of the names of our camper groups. Emerald, Sapphire, Jasper and Jacinth. Each stone is formed by different levels of heat and pressure. Maybe my whole ordeal with this Wilkie church and stuff is a way God is forming a precious stone out of me... This fact is confirmed later in this camp which will be written tomorrow... I hope...
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//22.12.2002 11:28:30 PM
I'm back from camp!
I'm too lazy to write all my experiences that happened in camp. Maybe I'm just too lazy or just have no time to. I scribbled all the things that I thought about in the camp booklet so that I could write in out in this blog but I gues that in this week really a lot of things has happened to me and mostly they are wonderful things! God has planned this miracle and I feel blessed being able to experience it.
The camp photos itself already there are over 143 of them! Still need to write out all the things in the blog I wonder when I will ever finish. But I know I will 'cos it's important and I want to blog it down. But right now I'm just too tired to start. The photos also is taking too much of my server space. I also was wondering if anyone from the camp would really actually come to see the photos... *sigh* guess I'll just leave the photos there for a few months and then take it down later...
BTW, if you are my friend from Wilkie or attended the Junior camp and came to this site to see the photos, please sign my guestbook so I know how many people are actully interested...
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//16.12.2002 1:04:30 AM
Kat's site is done!
...And gues what I named it?... MAO... Kat?... Cat?.... 'mao'?... get it? I know... very lame...
Ok ok... I know I'm supposed to go sleep for the camp tomorrow and stuff... I was trying to finish Kat's website before I go for the camp. I just had a rather long icq session with Dustin regarding this camp thingy... I guess no time to elaborate. I'll do that when I come back on Friday.
In short, I hope that a miracle will happen...
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//14.12.2002 11:40:46 PM
'Big-a-up' for Kat and my man Dust! Respect to you people for your continual support in my quest to fight the web designing giant! In case you people out there who don't understand why some times we say things like respect, 'big-a-up' or 'Boyakasha' its all taken from a lingo created by non-otha-dan Ali G... Check out this they even have a translator from english to Ali G's lingo... Check it!
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//12.12.2002 9:42:37 AM
Walking Zombie
I'm very zonked out right now... Just did a 11 hour marathon to rush a project for my friend Micheal. Just finally finished it. I badly need some rest man. But I guess it was worth it... Though I got paid only 1/2 ($100) a day for a full days work. I believe the sense of satisfaction that you were part of a project that is rather big is greater than the monetary gain itself... I heard that this company 'hansgrohe' is the 3rd largest company in the world in what they do... whatever that is...
Here is a small screenshot of the little section I did in flash...
Do watch for the site when it is launched I think its are really neat design! Maybe I'll put the site up in 'Kewl' Links for rating once it's lauched...
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//10.12.2002 11:30:59 PM
Depressing day of deep thinking...
What an interesting day today... Let's see what started it all? I guess that would be the TV series 'Touched by an Angel'. It sparked me thinking about some stuff about myself. Made me wanna start writing my e-Book sooner. I watched the show just before I went to meet my army friend Joe and his good friend Juliana.
Once we met and started chatting, Kat and I both realized something when Juliana went on and on about her 'love' life and the problems she had with her 'boyfriend(s)'... We both agreed that we felt OLD! What I mean is... gone were the days where there are you-like-me, I-like-you kinda stuff and all those petty 'lil boy-meets-girl, boy-dumps-girl, girl-clings-to-boy stuff. Or was there any of such things back then? I wonder...
Juliana keeps goin' on and on about her taekwando, how she wants a black belt, how she wants to get a fast car, how she would drive at 100+kpm and some thing like that... I can only see a sad image of a 22 year old feeling the fear of being left out, fearing that people would find her ugly, fearing loneliness...
Funny how we are... Sometimes I feel that we need to take a step back from ourselves and pause our lives and take a look at what the hell we are doing... Here I am looking at the childishness of another person and when I look at myself I ask... Wouldn't others think of me that way? Hell... I play MechWarrior...
So then I asked Kat later about the difference between me and Juliana and her lifestyle. Kat said this... 'you are silly, but she is childish...' I feel very blessed that I have the knowledge of the existence of God and His blessings. Kat's right in saying we should feel glad and thankful for He is good and faithful. He gave us wisdom! Wisdom... to tell the difference between silliness and childishness... wisdom to see clearer in our lives to make the right and good choices.
Sometimes we stray... Sometimes we forget to be contented... But I guess on the whole we should thank God for we will never really be in that wilderness that Juliana and the like is in... I just hope she can find this same wisdom as us. What's the difference between the old self (before christianity) and the new? I clearly saw it tonight...
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//10.12.2002 2:48:52 PM
For all those who think that I'm being stupid writing a blog...
Here's what I wrote in Dustin's guestbook:
'Hey cool job! you actually managed to get blog and stuff without spending $$ ... Respect Man! Blog IS personal don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. It's a kind of therapy to let out what's in your heart. I have a secret blog out there that I write with no 'boundries'. Guess internet is a better listening friend than any friend you'll ever have!'
Ok ok I USED to have a secret blog out there until the site providing the free service closed down. Now it's just brokenVase.com... Which many people already know especially my friends so I feel kinda restricted in my writings.
Back in the old days when times are really rough for me and there are many internal religious turmoils inside guess who has the best listening ear? Yes! the internet!... Being TYPICAL CONSERVATIVE CHINESE SINGAPOREANS... Many will never understand the therapy blogging can give!
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//10.12.2002 2:21:54 PM
Wondering where I went the past few day? What am I talking about... Who's gonna notice even if I didn't write any blog for the last 4 days...
Any way I added photos of my trip to Sentosa last Saturday. Check it! It was raining that day... But well... I guess it was fun on the whole. Didn't join them at beeach volley though. I felt kinda anti-social not playing but I sucked at the game... Well anyway the photos are there go see...
Hmmm... Let's see what else happened? Actually nothing much else happened in my this boring life...
Oh!... I was 'invited' to help out at my old church's Junior Camp as games leader. I know I was supposed to pray about it but I said yes anyway. I guess I was waiting for a miracle to happen in the camp. Through my years of attending that camp I have experienced many miracles happen... I hope something would happen this year especially after leaving Wilkie for close to 1.5 years now. I gues I was kinda hoping that this camp would mend some of the wounds between me and Wilkie's people...
Well I guess my mum is right, you can't call people hypocrites and judgemental if you are one yourself. This agreement to go to Junior camp I guess would be me giving both Wilkie's people any myself a 2nd chance... We'll see...
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//6.12.2002 9:24:39 PM
Wow! I can't believe I actually managed to pull it off!... I managed to cook for 13 people. To bad I didn't take a picture of it though... I forgot 
Maximum respect for Chee Beng and Kat! For helping me in tonight's dinner. I wouldn't have done it without you guys man... I couldn't have prepared all the food in time...
The best part about the dinner is that they liked it! *sigh* am getting quite tired after all the hype and all the cooking. guess I'll sign off for now...
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//5.12.2002 5:54:50 PM
Finally have a chance to rest... Phew! What a day! I went to a place near the causeway called 'Sheng Siong' for grocery shopping for the big 'fiest' tomorrow... And guess who's the cook? We bought like $120+ worth of stuff!
After that, I had to clean the house and toilets... Then prepare food for tonight's dinner! For all those who hire maids at home... Maximun respect to the maids man! Do you know the kinda shit they have to go thru everyday?!
Kinda nervous about tomorrow's dinner though... All the hype about me knowing how to cook and how good the food is, is getting a bit stressful... What if they don't like my food tomorrow? Or I did something wrong? *sigh* Guess its all about giving my parents 'face' since their son knows how to cook and all...
The fact is this cooking 'business' is going a bit in the wrong direction... I only wanted to cook so I could have a nice meal, that I won't waste money and get 'deprived' of home cooked food in Australia. Yea the publicity is good for ego but like the stress for failure is even higher than taking my uni exams man! *shesh*
Guess nobody's perfect...
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//4.12.2002 12:25:07 PM
At Gary's place right now... Hmm... Actually I had a lot of things to write but after one night of mahjong and lesser sleep, now I can't really remember already.
Let's see...
Writing a book.
I was thinking when I was at borders yesterday that I should put a new 'lab' experiment on bV Labs. I was thinking of writing an e-book, lamely called 'My Life's Story'. 'Cos I always think that the dramas in my life could actually be written into a book. Hmm maybe I should...
The games I play.
This might sound a bit corny, stupid or just down right sore loser like but I'll say it anyway...
My mum was telling to me yesterday and she said that she saw my 'black file of evil' (collection of my Magic: The Gathering cards) as she calls it. And she has always felt very uncomfortable with some of the games I play. In this day and age, we do or say things that ain't that right but we tolerate it... Just like my mum tolerated the games I play (Magic and Mahjong)... We tolerate foul language, 'evil' games and 'evil' movies.
You know its like in my life I will always look to God for hope and strength in all I do... But whenever I'm engaged in these 'evil' activities like last night's mahjong there is like a communication black out for that period of time... I disconnect Him from me so that I can feel guilt free...
After last night, I felt that it is no coincidence that I always either don't win money or I'll lose money when playing mahjong... No matter how I try to tell myself its just a game... It is also no coincidence that ever since I started playing magic til now I (spending almost $300+) I have almost always lost all the games I play. I never feel that peace when I play these games.
As for MW... Well... That's a different story. My mum saw my figurines and know how much I spent on them and to my suprise! She just said 'oh ok...' So I gues that's ai'ight
Ok Ok... I have to go already Gary is getting restless here... Give me your comments on today's Blog in my guest book... Tell me what you feel about what I said...
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//2.12.2002 11:02:57 PM
Ok... I know I will never get any donation anyway... I'm not a cute or chio girl that you guys would spend money on. I thought I just place it there 'just in case' any of you have a 'BIG' heart you know...
Anyway, just came back from my mahjong game at Gary's house... Played the whole day and what did I gain? Nothing... I lost 30c! Oh well... For the fun of it right?
Was just joking with Kat and Gary today about putting up a christmas wish list like Jeni. But if that were to happen all I need might just be mw booster packs, mw booster packs and... more mw booster packs! That's 'cos God has blessed me with everything else I have!
Speaking of which... My old church Wilkie Terrace is asking me to go back and help them in their Junior Camp. *sigh* that is a long story... Lotsa politics, unhappiness and backstabbing... Maybe another day when I have the time, I'll write the whole story out. As I always say my life story can be written into a best seller! Any publisher wanna sponser?
Ok, that's all today... Sweating like a pig gotta go and bathe liao...
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//1.12.2002 10:39:54 PM
Phew! What a tiring day today was... Ok, I know once I start I wouldn't stop... I just bought another booster pack today. That's like number 6 already! 6x15=$90 leh!
Ok... I know spending money is not the tiring thing... But washing a bloody fish tank IS! My dad and I cleared out our fish tank and we plan to put our hamsters in it... Clearing the stones and pebbles and stuff... It's no joke man! On top of that I had to cook dinner and also since I invited Chee Beng over for a game of MW, I had to play with him after cooking, eating and washing the dishes. Kat wasn't there to wash the dishes 'cos she was angry at me for ignoring her the whole day today... But I was busy... really busy...
*sigh*... Anyway, at the rate I'm spending money on MW I think I really have to work part-time soon. Belinda actually suggested that I try NYDC, a restaurant cafe down at wheelock place in Orchard. I dunno, kinda lazy...
Well, that's all for the first entry in December... I need to go now to think of another army strategy for MW to beat Chee Beng... He bought 1 less booster than me but he could form to good team of army that managed to beat me twice! Luck is not on my side for booster packs man... (tikam bo ho...) Hope tommorrow play mahjong not so bad... Ciao!
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//30.12.2002 1:23:31 PM
i used to think that people like me totally don't exist in this world. self deceiving again. like the way i used to think that i am so different from others.
dustin's blog about the marriage thingy and the 'i'll-never-get-a-girlfriend' got me thinking about my pastor friend in the States. i only have one thing to say to you dust, God will bring the girl that is the best for you soon. hang in there man. i have seen christian friends who seemed to me to be the last people to get married, yet they are even more happily married, much earlier that i have expected. it is amazing how He works. trust me.
we went to lisa's house yesterday. i usually MIA when it comes to gathering like these. i guessed it is an inferior complexity thingy. but i thought since mervin is back and we are singing carols and our old time favourites, i thought of pulling him along to the gathering. it didn't turn out very badly but it did felt a little weird. it is like i lost them at the point when i left school. i have no one esle to blame but myself since i am always MIA-ing those gatherings and appearing once in a blue moon.
everyone is getting married. and i mean everyone. i still remembered when i was in my second year of my uni, i was still telling my friend, Chin Han, that i still feel that i am in the age whereby my uncles and aunties are getting married, not my FRIENDS. now, my FRIENDS are ALL getting married. stephanie's wedding is 22nd March,03, Louise and Charlie's is in April, and even Florence, dear good old florence is in May. geez.. i can't even see it coming for her, even though she and teck ming have been together for a while.
i don't know what i am feeling. sad? happy? i am just confused. i share the same sentiments with mervin. they were talking about work, marriage, houses and what about us? MW, booster packs (mervin's upset that chee beng got the limited pieces of MW just by buying boaster packs), DVD, cluedo, mahjong... can someone tell me what should be a 24 y/o be concerned and thinking about right now? is this call 'growing up'?
it is like a closed door of a room of a big mansion that i don't want to venture in. but yet i know everyone has to go into it to reach the secret garden. i am just happy venturing around the big mansion but everytime i pass the door of that room, i stopped and dread the day of having to enter it.
it could be that which makes me feel out of place with the rest of the guys of NTU CF. they seemed to have 'grown up' and i am still that little girl.
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//27.12.2002 10:52:12 AM
geezz... cleaning my house is such a enormous task. did i tell you guys that my mum is a cleanliness freak?!! i always want to not be like my mum coz i don't exactly agree with the things she say or do and i refused to be like her. but i realised tat it is so true that somehow we will be like our parents. somehow or rather.
it is like when i am over at mervin's place and i looked at how his parents and him clean their place, i can't help but commented or helped them clean the place the way my MUM taught me to clean our own house!! it is so scary!!
i call this kind of thinking the 'self-deceiving syndrome'. when i was in junior college, i tell everyone esle and myself, i am not like any other girls, so naggy and whiny and helpless, who like shopping and care about their clothing and even makeup. i went to university and then i realised that i am no different from those girls whom i can't stand. self-deceiving.
anyway, as mervin has mentioned, he was at my place doing painting and spring-cleaning of my place. and i am glad that there is more interaction between my parents, esp my mum with him. i thank God that we have come this far. (for those who know the story about our relationship, you will know why i say that.) the two guys (my bro n mervin) were talking about computers stuff and blogging and all those things i don't really quite know. i like it when my boyfriends are pretty close with my brother. i mean everyone are young people, we should common topics to talk about and make new friends. my bro is no longer a little boy but a youth and now it feels that he is closer to my age and closer to me than few years ago when i still see him as my little bro. we have common topics and he understands what i am talking about and i understand what he is going through. when he has a girlfriend, i also hope that i can be a good friend to her so that we can do things together. i think that is so cool.
there is so much to say. i just read dustin's blog and i have many things that i want to comment about but i still have to get back to tidying my room before i go on a holiday. talk to you later....
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//26.12.2002 9:40:52 AM
finally i can sit down to write my blog. been so busy the last few days and mervin is nagging me to write the blog. anyway, here is a rough update what i was up to the last few days.
thurdsay night 19.12.2002 - the church camp gosepel night.
i was 'invited' to go and see the children put up skits and also 'see' mervin. the place was so wu-lu!! but it was a refreshing night. to see the children smile and laugh can be such a stress-reliever. i have been quite off in this church even though i am there for close to ten years now. my gosh, it has been TEN years already. i have seen and heard good and bad things about the church and i am still trying to find my stand in the things this church does and what they don't practice. i guess that was what mervin was trying to do too. and i am very glad that God spoke to him during the camp about his life and what he should be doing.
then after that, it was a few days of mad rush. my last day at work in on christmas' eve. and there weren't many days left and i have tons and tons of work to clear before i go. my manager forced everyone who are leaving to finish all their work before they go but that is impossible. sigh... but anyway, it was hellish days and i am glad that i have survived them. (even though i still have two cases on my hand right now to do them at home and bring them back to office when i am done - that is ridiculous right? i am officially not an employee of that place anymore!!)
christmas's eve 24.12.2002
there was a christmas' eve dinner at mervin's place. it was supposedly for mervin's friends and it ended up with two groups of people, mervin's friends and relatives. anyway, there were good food and not to mention, piranas too. funny enough as i think back, i think i am the one who persuaded mervin to throw a christmas party. he refused at first because every year he does that and he always ends up not happy about the party. oh well, i don't know how he feels yet about this year, but at the end of the party, i didn't feel as if it was a happy party for me. our friends left early and there wasn't so much of a christmas mood. and by 10 plus, only me, mervin, mervin's mum and grandmother were left in the house. and when the clock struck 12 am, mervin and i just hugged and said merry christmas.... and after which mervin and i played cluedo with his mum. what a quiet christmas!
christmas day 25.12.2002
we met belinda and amelia for supposedly coffee but we ended up doing last minute shopping for presents. amelia had the same sentiments as me about the lack of christmas mood in us this year. i guess we were so caught up in our work that we really don't have the time and mood to celebrate it. and christmas is supposed to be a very joyous occasion to remember christ's birth. look at the people at the orchard road crush that day or those in the taka square, getting toys and gifts for friends, how many really do remember or know the true reason behind all these? sadly, after i left the music ministry and no longer do carolling during christmas period, i no longer really remember the true meaning of christmas too.
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//17.12.2002 11:01:02 AM
i am feeling lousy today. i am like going 'why did Eve have to sin? caused so much pain in the women today.' you guys out there will most probably not understand waht i am talking about but i am sure the girls will agree with what i am feeling now.
anyway, i almost drowning with work. how can i clear three months' of back log cases in just one month?!!! even if i am a power puff girl, that is still impossible. now that it is only down to the last week of working in this hellish place. people close to me will know that i am finally quitting this place. i am utterly, terribly, absolutely and extremely disappointed with this place. how can man degrade himself to be such a despicable, inhumane, unreasonable being?!!! to think that God create each one with such TLC. it is a long story if i will have to start from day one but i rather leave it in the depths of my memory bank and never to re-live it again.
oh one more thing, i think mervin also forgot to blog it down. remember the two male hamsters that were sent to his auntie's place to be 'supposedly' cared for? one of them died. i heard it was bitten by something on the neck and there was a gaping hole there. mervin and i were very sad. both of us felt as if we have sent those two to their grave. sigh...
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//16.12.2002 9:28:27 AM
Hmmm.. finally my site is up. thanks bibee for rushing it for me. there is nothing much here at the moment but you bet i will update it as soon as i can. ciaoz for now....
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