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//30.1.2003 7:59:42 PM

I failed the test...

Ok, whatever I'm gonna say will all come up like as if I'm trying to give an excuse for why I failed...

But I'm not gonna tell you exactly why anyway... Here goes... The odds of me making that 'fatal' mistake is 1 million to 1! So when human logic cannot explain (not even my instructor), then it is a spiritual one...(I'm not gonna discuss what the STUPID thing is, 'cos it's really no point...)

God gave me a phrase from my quiet time yesterday saying 'The purpose of prayer is not to get what we want, But to become what God wants'.. Right there and then I knew I'll fail... But I still continue to force myself to believe that I've prayed and it WILL happen... Why? 'cos I asked and I believe... That's all faith's about right?... WRONG! I 'forced' the thing on Him... I HAD to pass... I knew I was praying wrong...

I kept telling myself I've never failed anything important for the past 5 years... not even my important exams... CCNA... Why 'cos I know I was right... I had the peace... This time... it was all wrong. Now I know why I felt more anxious than I usually am this morning. 'Cos God wasn't with me in this one...

Sorrow beyond grief...

How I felt right after the test? I was... Hmmm... blank... That's where you go when you reach a point where it is sorrow beyond grief... I couldn't eat, couldn't sit, couldn't do anything... Not 'cos I failed the test itself... Because I know for the first time I did a difficult test and God wasn't there... You know how when we were young and we want a toy and put parents didn't get it for us? Then I went to get it anyway and I screwed it up! I wasn't right with Him and now I disappointed everyone who were hoping that I passed...

Miraculously, when I was supposed to meet my friends in the afternoon to do something... I couldn't find them! There and then I didn't feel like going out and I needed to calm down and cool myself... I did! I took a long bath and prayed, I prayed the right prayer... I felt better... And just when I was ready to go out and wanted to call my friends... they called me! What timing! God made them 'disappear' for 2 hours and when I was just ready... there were 'back'.

Relearning prayer and faith...

All I did was wrong. I was treating God like a 'vending machine'... Exactly what we shouldn't do. From now on I'll ask and seek His will and do it right. How exactly to do that? Well... that's harder to explain... and I don't want to write it... 'cos its personal. I guess I have to start by rededicating the 4Rs I mentioned in the beginning of this month all ever again... (only after 1 month!)

Final thought...

This is no coincidence... I don't... never believe in coincidence... Its all in His timing and plans... His words to me... His consolation after that (when my friends 'disappeared')... My distress before the test where I felt no peace...

God is REAL and He IS in control... I guess all He wants us to do sometimes to is listen more and not ask too much :)

I'm ok now... No need for any consolation or whatever... I know that He is in control...
//29.1.2003 5:28:41 PM

What a day today?!

My driving instructor was early and so I rushed to change and go meet him... In my folly I forgot to get my keys and didn't bring my HP along... So when I got back I reallized i was locked out! I had to call Kat... 'cos that was the only number I could remember and asked her to call chee beng, to call hong zhe to get Rufus's number... so that I can call him and find out where the rental agent is so I can go get their set of spare keys to open the door... The agent was at Toowong... train stations away! I then had to go there get the keys... open the door and travel back there to return the keys! What a day!

Tomorrow's the Big day...

Well, the day has finally arrived... You know all this being alone and nothing to business really puts the pressure on the driving, 'cos that's all I can think about this whole day... and the more I think the more stress there is... Sigh... Just hope tomorrow I'll be calm and let the Lord lead me... I haven't failed anything yet ever since secondary school! Yup not a single test, or exam have I failed... by God's grace I passed everything and some I did a lot better than I expect sometimes... And I'm not about to fail this one...

So guys do pray for me ok! I believe God will see me through...
//27.1.2003 8:56:20 AM

brokenVase hits 2000!

Hey! thanks for your continued support for brokenVase... Whoever you guys are out there... As I said its you people that will keep BV going! There are 2000 hits already within 3 months of its launch... and if you do a search in www.yahoo.com or www.google.com for 'brokenvase' you'll find me! Cool huh...

I get to meet great people like Jeff (see the tagboard) and other people on the net... Thanks guys!

Australia Day today...

Its Australia's National day today... and I heard there's gonna be some fireworks goin' on down at Southbank river... I think I'll go check it out tonight :)

My driving...

I didn't do too well today... Maybe its 'cos I had the lesson too early... We started ar 8:15 this morning... But that's no excuse... Sigh... This instability in my ability to drive well isn't a good sign... Oh well, guess that's why God wants me to have faith in Him :)

Let's hope I do better tomorrow...

I'm not bored anymore...

Guess I really got some of you anxious about me being all alone here... Well I'm ok! I'll be fine... I been kinda alone for most of my life... I guess I'll do fine... Until Kat came into my life I was better at being alone. Well, no I'll just have to 'harness' back that 'ability' :)

sigh... in many ways I have tried to cut down and to live a restricted/contented life but for somethings...

Well, there should be lotsa comments for this entry... heh!
//23.1.2003 6:13:01 PM

I did a pan view of my current house I'm living in...

Click here to have a look!
//23.1.2003 1:58:40 PM

Life's...

Many people might envy the life I have now... No school, no work, nothing to do... Well, I'm caught in this situation where there is really absolutely nothing to do! Yah, I've got cartoons I can watch and DVD's I can see but day in day out just watching all these and eat when I have to is really getting to me... I suddenly feel like my cousin Benjamin!

Eeeww....!

Hmmm... what do people do when you have almost a month plus to do nothing? In a foreign land with no friends? Read? Watch TV? Rent DVDs? Watch Anime? Surf the Net? What if all these are getting pretty boring? Then what? Once I get out of the house I spend money... That's out... then?

Got a lot of time to think about life and all that... That's why its not good... When there is too much time to think and there is not much to think about the mind wanders... And my sanity is at stake...

Sigh... oh well gonna go 'roam' the streets later... wondering what else to do... Guess we really DO need to work... at least that would keep us sane... maybe I should really start on Be's blog...
//21.1.2003 4:14:57 PM

Update on my driving...

My lesson today went on great! The instructor told me that I am doing fine... Thank God for that... I think without Him I would never get the hang of it... With my anxiety and all... I'd rather be taking exams at this rate! This is as stressful as when I was taking my CCNA cert...
//19.1.2003 7:18:41 PM

Cooked dinner for 4...

Hsu and I had to ask one of her friends to help uhs go to somewhere quite far away to buy and transport a tables we bought home and so we had to kinda like treat them to dinner tonight... It was just over... Here is what I cooked...

1. Sambal Telok (first time)

2. Sambal Kangkong (first time)

3. Fried Chicken Wong

4. Luncheon Meat

5. Nasi Lemak

Phew... I always get stressed up when I cook for others... Anyway thank God it was ok... The Kangkong was too salty though... Anyway it was my first time doing that dish so I guess its forgivable :)

Here is a pic of the table I bought for $15...
//17.1.2003 7:27:38 PM

I have nothing to do!...

I went out today... I went to Queen street mall... I walked... I walked to a place called Myer Center... I walked... I feel that I want to buy something... for myself? For Kat?... I walked... I walked to my school QUT... I took some brochures for cheap furniture and a car... I walked... I walked back to Queen Street Mall... I went into a shopping center called Big W... I walked... I walked about 4km to China Town from the city... I walked... I went into chinese grocery stores... I walked... I boarded a train in China Town and left for home... I reached Indooroopilly... I walked... I walked 4 blocks down to blockbuster... I walked... I walked all the way home from there... I walked...

Did I get anything today?... Rented a DVD, bought another... (title: The Man Who Sued God)... And a feet full of blisters...
//14.1.2003 1:19:30 PM

Back in Australia...

Hmmm... I'm back here... Erm... What I think? Well for one thing, I was really depressed last evening just before my first driving test. Why you might ask? Hmm let's see...

1. I came back alone, no friends are here (well except Hsu, my housemate)

2. I had close to 36 hrs without sleep.

3. I couldn't get a driving test date booked at least til 30th this month. This means I got only one shot at it(God wants my faith in Him).

4. For the first time yesterday I felt I really missed Kat.

Anyway I feel better today. Went to Indooroopilly Shopping center for grocery with Hsu and bought some of the things I forgot to get over in Singapore... Walking in the shopping center reminded me of the times I had with my parents and Kat last year when they came over. The lunch and shopping we did at the very same shopping place.

Oh well...

Oh before I forget I would like to state that the SIA in-flight entertainment Rocks man! guess that explains why I went 36hrs without sleep. I didn't sleep on the flight.

Ok here comes what God said about my this ordeal...

He gave me...

'God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble' - Psalm 46:1

The key was 'our refuge and strength' times are gonna be rough as Kat mentioned in her blog and He wanted us to claim on this promise. We can always seek refuge in Him and look to Him for our strength!

//12.1.2003 12:20:49 AM

Just in... 2 new sections...

1. Why keep a blog?

2. pecial-prices:::');>Special offer prices!
//10.1.2003 11:57:51 AM

I should remain a programmer...

Looking at the links that is found in chocomuffin's site I am once again reminded why chose to do Enterprise Systems and Analysis instead of going the designer's way. True that all the satisfaction and awe by your friends once you 'designed' something good is there but look at these ppl. I feel like I'm just tipping the iceberg here...

I think I'll still stick to what I know best... Well.. I know that some mountains are higher than others... But I guess humans really can't stop envying a bit... Sigh...
//10.1.2003 11:17:12 AM

Going back to Aussie land...

I've got mixed feelings about this... Let's see...

I'm glad because...

1. I can finally get on with it and finish faster (ie. I'm nearing the day I'll come back)
2. I guess I still like to be alone sometimes and this 1 over month af loneliness can make me get some things straight and focus better.
3. I'm finally getting my license and my car!


I'm sad because...

1. I have to leave Kat again.
2. I have to leave Wilkie (when I just started out again). Hope it doesn't cause too much distancing...
3. Leaving my friends again.
4. Leaving my PC.
5. I hate to be lonely...
6. Missing Chinese New Year.


Guess I have more to be sad about than to be happy... I just want this thing to be over and done with so I can get one with my life. I see everyone working and settling into their own life's cacoon and mould... Doing 'matured' things I just feel that I'm like so 'behind' them... still studying and all.

Sigh... enough!
//8.1.2003 3:09:55 AM

Warning! Super long blog!

Brace yourselves...This is where I do what programmers call... Flushing the buffers. I'll write a mini book with this entry and hope that microsoft access don't crash on me... Well here goes...

Hmm... should I go backwards or forward?... Ok I'll say whatever I can remember...

Jackfruit Pluckin...

Ok this is quite fun... I went downstairs with my dad to a jackfruit tree on afternoon and we plucked a very sweet and juicy jackfruit to eat! Hmmm come to think of it, all the jackfruits on that tree is sweet! anyways here are the photos I took of the harvest...




Buying a new PC...

I also went over to Sim Lim with kat's bro XH so get a new PC for him. Being out of the market for almost 6 months I kinda felt a bit inadequate but I gues I managed... with only $1,500 we could get a very good PC that could 'fly' ge-force 4 and all! Cool man! Check it...


Before...

After...


4D/Toto, Fengshui, Fortune Telling, Dragons and 'Evil' games/movies...

Ok this is where the fun starts... I was walking down the shops the other day and I saw (btw all the following events happened in one day by God's planning) ppl queuing for 4D and someone was doing fortune telling nearby... I felt a sudden rush of sadness came over me... I thought to myself, how sad it is to not know God...

Then later that night I had kinda a disagreement with my mum regarding my portfolio doing the fengshui queen's website. I told her is just a job... you know very technical in nature... Just like telling her about the 'evil' games I play... I guess I'm not the only one... we all say 'its just a game...' So all these got Kat and I thinking... Where do we draw the line? I have no doubt that both Kat and I love God very much. Its not as if we do all these things we lose faith or something... But then there is a verse stating we should not do things that does not glorify God and there is also one that says we should not do things that would cause others to stumble. Clearly my actions are causing my mum to stumble.

The 4 Rs...

Interestingly the very next day in church one of the church's deacon David Hung addressed this issue for me! I know clearly that it could mean other things to other listeners of the message but to me I know God was saying this... The word he gave me was Restricted ... He wanted me to live in terms of the 4Rs just when I was trying to ask Him how I should change there it was! What timing!

The speaker mentioned 4 Rs, to live a Life Reserved for God, to Resolve to know Him intimately, to lead a Restricted life free of the things that does not glorify God and ultimately with all these we can have the peace to Rejoice in the Lord. He also mentioned that to do this we have to lead a 'simple' life. This brings me to my next point...

Am I too spendthrift?

To lead a simple life we must be super contented... I look at my life I live and I feel sad... I never met any of the 4Rs... Especially to live a Restricted life... I spend money on MW... on all the so-called collectable stuff I want. But in all these where is God's glory? Maybe the timing is just right... I'm going back to Australia this Sunday and back there life's simpler... Not much of such 'distractions'... Maybe God wants to 'train' me there.

As to the portfolio whether I should include the fengshui one and also my cousin Gary has been sleeping on a 'bed of dragons' literarily... What do you guys think? Is it ok? We are to live in the world and not of this world right? Kat, Gary and my faith I can safely say is strong enough not to be waivered by satan's such schemes. I would like some comments...

Junior Camp's Summary (day3-4)

Ok many ppl has been asking me about this junior camp lessons thingy... As Bernard would say... 'write the things I need to write...' I'm gonna be too lazy after today to write so much again for a while again anyway so I'll summarize it... :P

Day 3 is D-day the pinnacle of the camp... Why you might ask? This day is the turning point in my life towards the 'Wilkie issue'... God came to me as is writen here...'like to be hit by the hammer of God'. For 3 years now we have been (when I say we I mean Wilkie as a whole entitiy) judging each other so-to-speak... I felt I was walking among gossip mongers and 'pharasees'... Then on this day 3, God said in 1Cor 4:3-5 to ME ...

I care very little if I am judge by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's heart. At that time each will recieve his praise from God. -1Cor 4:3-5

From that moment on everything else fell into place, I dare not say perfectly, but it was good...

I'll end this be quoting myself, writen on day 4's journal...

'Guess time will heal all wounds, til now, it never happened to me 'cos I never gave it a chance... All Churches has problems, I have my own too... What happened to me and my church was kinda forgotten in the camp and buried (even if it was temporary, it was good).. Guess this 2nd chance thing might just work out after all!'

Blog Conclusion...

As we saw, satan uses whatever he can in whatever situation to make the best of all his resources to try and make you fall... Some don't but some do, some fall for weeks or months, others... years... But God is faithful and just to mercifully forgive us everytime we fail Him. No other religion can I see such great Love of a God that can be so personal and real in my life.

Hope this was helpful... Phew! (6461 characters!)
//4.1.2003 11:48:57 PM

Sad about my laziness

Sigh... By the time I come back everyday, I'm always to tired to write much that's why nothing much is coming up... Even Junior Camp's story... stopped at 3rd day... sigh...

Ok must remind myself tomorrow must write about 4D, fortune telling, feng shui and the much debated... dragons and their implications... Good night!
//1.1.2003 9:53:47 PM

Covetousness and Greed!

Well I went to my church's Thanks Giving service held every year at this time. The theme was Phil 4:4-5 'Rejoice in the Lord Always...' So what did I learn? The speaker was 'booming' (literarily): 'COVETOUSNESS!' 'GREED!' said that these are the number one idols in all our lives even in all governments, companies, globally and even in the church... Said we have to be contented and not covet and not be greedy... well... I thought ok... So what else is new ... tell me something I don't know...

Guess what? I just shot myself in the leg today. And now I feel as guilty as Peter denying Christ for 3 times(err.. maybe not but close) ... I bought 2 MW boosters and the Sony Ericsson Headset... The very one I said I will not get 'cos its too expensive.

I went to Desmond's house after that and he showed me the new amplifier he bought ($1200!)... He's an avid audiophile... That was what sparked me thinking... look at all the luxuries we allow ourselves to have... Wherewith the verse about seeking God and cast all other needs to Him?

In our daily spiritual race we have to engage in worldly stuff just to 'co-exist' we are not rabbies, priests, pastors, etc... (even pastors nowadays... nvm). Here and there we buy better mobiles, cars... employ architects to build us a new house (hint hint :P)... Manifest the glory of God's grace? Or merely fleshly lust for pride and what chines called 'face'? See something nice we covet... Like me, say it's a hobby like MW.

*sigh* these are the things I'll start thinking about once my 'connection' with Him gets clearer... It's through seeing Him that reflects how filthy we really are... Someone once said that if we weep 'cos we know and feel that we are great sinners, then we will be more righteous than those who don't.

Lesson?: Covet lessor serve God more. Hard for me too...
//1.1.2003 12:04:26 AM

Happy new year everyone!

Don't forget to thank God for all the things he has done for you... I know I will. I'm a bit sad... 'cos this means that it's 12 more days before I need to go back to Australia... I used to think that I like it better in Australia... Life's better, people's better... No snobish Singaporeans to face but I gues after this vacation I think that my friends here in Singapore and the fellowship I have with God and church is more real...

Oh well... Hope you guys have a good year ahead... for my December's blog click here.


//30.1.2003 12:01:32 AM

alright, so now everyone knows that i am busy. no complains about that but i am really busy. work has been crazy but i am still enjoying it thus far. that is the main reason why i dun mind slogging out there even though my pay is really peanuts (after confirming with belinda that she is getting MUCH more than me.. sigh.. sad case.)

tonight i attended chris' (a church mate) father's funeral. even though i am not close to him or john (his younger bro) anymore, it is sad to see someone passed away. it always reminds me of my own dad and mum. i know people always say 'you should treasure and show your concern to the people you love and care most while you still can.' i mean, everyone knows that, but i dun practice it. in my heart i really care and treasure those people but it is so difficult to show it sometimes. but anyway, i am pretty saddened by tonight's event.

enough of those sad things. today mervin did a very silly thing. oh well, it was silly now that you come to think about it. but he called me this morning, i was pretty worried about him. well, if you want to know what happened, just check out his homepage then.

belinda and i were discussing about this topic after seeing our friends get hitched and married. it is about meeting the right person at the right time, as what i would call it. she said that maybe people at the right time felt 'pushed into' a permanent relationship (those kind leading to a marriage) just because they are ready for that but it doesn't mean that the person at the point in time is the person you are waiting for. and then when the right person comes along, you might feel that it is not the right time to settle down.

i couldn't really explain to her but i strongly believe in the two components have to go hand in hand. it HAS to be the RIGHT PERSON at the RIGHT TIME in order that the relationship is fruitful. then she said, in that case, those that were unsuccessful were something like a waste of time. oh well, you can see it in that way, i supposed. there are people whom i know that will only go into a relationship when they are ready to settle down. but i believe that relationships, whether good or bad, mould the person you are now. i wouldn't be the person that i am now, if it hadn't been the experiences and relationships that i have gone through, not saying whether they have moulded me into a better or worse off person.

anyway, if i am going to say anything more, this is going to be another long blog entry and it might get a little too boring to read on. (so many words - hard to digest)

i am going to hit the sack. my whole body is aching from the workout that i finally gotten down to doing after mervin left. good night everyone.
//26.1.2003 4:06:39 PM

why do parents have to quarrel?

for you parents out there, have it ever crossed your minds that the people you are hurting are not just the other half that you are screaming your lungs out at? i hated it when my parents quarrel. it makes me feel so miserable and from the looks of it, i get more hurt than either one of them.

they get to release their stress and practice using their diaphrams (of course sometimes they forget to use it properly and hurt their throats). as for the childrens around in the house, they feel miserable and heart-broken. they can't scream at their parents, they can't release what they bottled inside.

why do they have to quarrel?
//20.1.2003 7:43:22 PM

guess where i am now? it is 7 pm. i am HOME!!! already home!!!

actually i shouldn't be home yet. my mum isn't home yet too. my plan was to go back to the office from my client's place and do some work there. but who knows, i have massive diarrhoea the whole day. first day at my new client's place and i kept running to the toilet. wonder what they must be thinking.

//18.1.2003 3:47:55 PM

it is close to 4 pm right now and i am still in the office. but the different thing is that over here in my new job, there are quite a number of people that are still around. hmm.. i don't know if i should feel sad or happy that at least there are others who are in the same plight as me.

anyway, i am tired. i am still trying to clear the review points for that case that i 'complained' so much about. also my cramps aren't making things easy for me.

first weekend without mervin around, i feel a little lost and lonely without him. can't think of anywhere to go that i will not spend too much. (must save up for the next trip to aussieland) also don't feel very energetic today.

oh well, i have the time up to 6 pm before the security alarm of the office becomes activated. so i have up to then to decide what to do. i guess eventually, i might just go back and rest. see how lah...
//17.1.2003 7:25:05 PM

you know, maybe i complain too much. all my blog entries are all about complaining. that is not too good for health.
//17.1.2003 7:23:37 PM

seeing all the comments about my colleague's pursuit of his material dreams, i think all is said on my behalf. i shall not say anything more about it.

feeling a little down and stressed these few days. the whole story goes like this :

my first day on my job, i was sent to my client's place on my first job after stepping into my new workplace for about two hours. nothing much was said and whatever that was said was done in a mad rush.
it was supposed to be a simple job. well, at least i thought it was. i finished my job happily in less than two hours. i finished up the paperwork and sent my file in for the manager to review the file.

the file came back without much review points for me to clear. and i cleared them and sent it back to my manager who in turn sent it to my partner (a.k.a the 'boss') for his review. (for those who don't know what my line of work is like, this is a normal practice for the manager to review the file first and then the partner)

the file came back and the review points were depressing. and i really mean depressing. i sat at my seat, too stunned to say anything after i finished reading the review points. at that point in time, i really felt like crying!! these few days, i am still trying very hard to clear the review points.

regarding work, i feel very inadequate here. i realised, (same thing that louise realised after she came for one training session when she was offered the job at the same place as me) that whatever i have learnt and done are really so shallow and so little. and to think that i was even going to be promoted to be the assistant manager over at my old workplace.

here, everyone is so competent and knows so much about their work and the technical issues. i am so in awe!! i supposed i have to work very hard and read up on my own to learn the things that i have missed out. and the sad thing is that i really have no time. i am so busy. ever since mervin left for australia, i have been doing OT at work even though it is just my second week here. (except for yesterday where i have my period and have to go back early to rest. and i left only at 7 plus from my office. sigh... work..
//14.1.2003 11:49:21 PM

working can be so tiring sometimes. i'm totally shacked out. urgent cases after urgent cases. it can be so mind blowing sometimes.

had a nice chat with my team leader, Deon. a guy, i suppose, around late twenties, who is originally from Hong Kong and then went to stay and study in australia for 11 years. he is pretty nice guy, helpful and humourous. anyway, we were chatting about being rich. ya... u got me right. being monetary-wise rich.

so we were talking about bill gates and the world's wealthiest people. i can tell from his conversation that he yearns to be like one of them, he looked up to them and i know he is planning to be like one of them. i can't say whether he will eventually be anywhere near them but the fact that in his mind, the plans and the schemes that he has thought about is really .... woah!! he told me that he read books written by these rich and successful people.

i'm too tired to think properly now... will continue later....
//12.1.2003 11:25:05 PM

alright so i disappear from the blog for a long long time. but seriously, who noticed? i know there are some faithful 'listeners' out there and you guys n gal know who you are. thanks.

alright, being away for so long, you must be wondering what i was up to all these time. well, i was just living my life. so many things have happened!!

Work

i started my work at the new work place. how should i describe it? this following statement would more or less cover how things are and going to be in the days to come. 'Overwork. Underpaid' i shall learn not to grumble too much and be thankful of what i have. work is as usual busy and going to be even more stressful and hectic. now that mervin is back to aussieland, i can start to be a workaholic again. i am thankful for the job seeing that the market is so bad. i am thankful for the new challenges to come and i am looking forward to them even though they scare me sometimes.

Mervin

so for mervin, he has not updated his blog yet so for people who love and know him. he is right now in the air flying back home. we both know that it is going to be a tough half a year ahead with me having a new job at hand and him finishing his last semester, but we pray before he left and we are confident that He will guide and lead us, both as an individual and more importantly as a couple through this time.
//1.1.2003 11:09:22 PM

oh, i forgot something.....

Happy New Year, folks!!!
//1.1.2003 11:05:10 PM

i am just in a lousy mood today. wat caused it? hmm... i dunno really. maybe by recollecting what i did today will bring a light to the build up in the cause of the lousiness that i am feeling.

it is going to be a long session of whining. if you are not interested, please wait for the next blog entry.

in the morning, i went to my church's thanksgiving. sang a song for thanksgiving. saw clara (mervin's ex-girlfriend). was glad that she seemed to be doing very well.

oh, and mervin fell asleep during the sermon. the one that he mentioned that the speaker was booming with the message of 'covetousness'. i mean, i was a little pissed (just a little pissed) at the fact that he said that he wanted to give it a shot to attend wilkie again and yet, it seemed that he is just being skeptical about that same speaker and about that same message. yes, i totally agree with him. in my ten over years in wilkie, the messages never change and i supposed they never will in the near future. but the bible is the same bible. it has never changed and never will. but why do people say that it is the living word of God? just the basic fact that at different point in time, God used that SAME old words that we have heard, read, memorised... to speak to us.

after which, we made our way to century square - THE PLACE for the MW figures. since chee beng has 'luckily' gotten three MW rare figurines, mervin has been itching to go there. and yes, we did. we also got two booster packs and nope, we didn't get good MW figurines. it is just not meant to be. sigh..three years with him, i know what he is thinking. it is my fault, i admit, when i put him down with my criticisms. i am sorry. but i can't help thinking that it is so.

then he mentioned that he wanted to go get sony ericsson bluetooth headset. i guess that made me lose it totally. it is a long story and i shall just cut it short. basically when we got the sony ericsson phone, i did 'warn' him that the accessories are expensive and of course, with the purchase of that phone would render temptations for purchase of the accessories. then of course, he would 'argue' his way, saying that he would not need to get those accessories and stuff like that. sigh... i believe him. again.

anyway, as again, i was the 'bad' person, trying to dissuade him from buying the accessories. but in the end, i know he is just too determined to get it and i really don't want to disappoint him. those who are cantonese or know how to speak cantonese, will know this phrase which his mum and i would say to him : mud dou lay gong sai. (explanation : once you want it, you will gear your argument to your benefit)

covetousness ...

now comes the 'self-deceiving' part again.. i am like that too. i try to be understanding towards what he is thinking. i mean, he is a guy and i am a girl. not only guys do that but girls too. i mean, i can buy a new dress and i would go hunting for a bag and shoes or accessories that go with it. the only difference, i leave 'back road' for any change in heart towards a new thing. i just feel a little confused sometimes. i totally absorbed his one sided argument and months or weeks later, the argument is changed to the other side. it is tiring...

i should stop whining now... love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is NOT EASILY ANGERED, it KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always PERSEVERES.

today;s the first day of a new year. i haven't really sit down and think about my resolutions or even reflect on the last year. but i am starting my first day of work tomorrow. i need to go get sleep. till the next blog...
You really going?!